I am filled with words I wish I would have said, things I wish I didn’t say and letters that I never sent. I am filled with the love I never gave, the heart that never mended and a lot of poetry I wish I could share. But instead, they are stuck between the pages of old notebooks and hidden on password locked documents on my laptop.
Every day the sun rises and the sun sets and with each passing moment, I still hold onto all of these things dearly, unable to part with them although sometimes I do wish, they would slip between my fingers and find home in the people I wish would harbor them. I’ve spent so long telling myself all the things you should have said, but never did.
You never even said goodbye. But I try to convince myself that you are saying goodbye every time you walked past me without saying hello. You are saying goodbye when you are laughing in a new picture with someone else. You are saying goodbye when you write new music that I will never hear the lyrics to. You are saying goodbye when you drink too much in the middle of the night. You are saying goodbye without saying anything. And each goodbye hits me harder than the previous one.
Who said that it gets easier? Because it sure as hell feels like it is only getting harder. These are the goodbyes you never said, but I will tell myself that you are screaming your goodbyes every time.
Words by Ming D. Liu