Making Excuses

You‘ll regret it, you know. Not trying harder to make it work. You probably think she didn’t notice, but oh, she did from the very beginning. She picked up on your nervous habits the first time you met. Saw the way you caught your bottom lip between your teeth, how you constantly reached up to touch your nose. How your eyes flickered down to her lips when she spoke. When she pressed her head to your chest, she felt your heart thunder. There‘s no point in telling her that maybe what you felt wasn’t enough. That it wasn’t the same for you. That you weren’t sure about the two of you. You want to let her go, because she makes you feel things you’ve never felt before, and so you move on to pointless excuses. You find ridiculous reasons to drive her away from you. But she’s never been easy to fool. In an instant, she‘ll know you lied and she‘ll take it as her cue to leave without a fight. She won’t ask you to explain. She won’t call again. And you‘ll be the one to stay awake at night, wondering who she‘s spending her time with. Pondering about who took your place. And still, you’re not sure if the pain you’re feeling over losing her will fade in time. Your mistake is you think you know what it‘s like to get attached and you are convinced that the more you win in a short space of time, the more you‘ll have to lose. But it’s not the same with her. Your feelings for her were so intense, they scared you. You were absolutely terrified of what you would do for her. Was it worth it, I’m asking you now, sending her away because you knew you’d lose her anyway? I’m not saying holding on to her was easy: she was too reckless, too unpredictable, too emotional. She was a mess, but she was the mess that you wanted. So call her before it’s too late. Pluck up your courage and say what you’ve been wanting to say all along before she’s gone for good and no one’s around to watch the words die in your throat.

Words by - Nina

Photographer: Maria D'Souza
Model: Synnove Airdal
Clothing: Lacry Couture