Thoughts whirl tirelessly through my mind about you. Everything that I do and say and see, it all seems to come back to that one image of what I remember you to be. I ponder and ache for the day I can cross your path again. I slam my nine to five every day with relentless vigor so that my brain is numb from the thoughts of you. I cannot bare this rumination. You were the refuge I sought. I crave and yearn for my mind to be redeemed from its own tortures.
Racing synaptic nerves can only be cured by distractions. I need stimuli that pierces my frontal cortex and inundates it with nonsense. Nonsense is the answer. See this, do that, switch on, switch off, go there, eat here, click now, but for the love of god - don't think of HER!
Quickly, she's coming back into the periphery, scurry to something else that will drown out the sadness and at least give me another thirty minutes of thoughtless drivel.
Aaahh yes, that feels good. The moment where the brain is absorbed by the trivial so it thinks not of the now. But how long can I do this? How long can I run from my own mind? I am it's owner, and it similarly owns me. This inextricable connection will eventually disallow this infinite goose chase.
Maybe I should cut the wire? Or pull the chord? Just end it now. No, fuck that, she would never want that.
HER - again. Fuck. The only thing keeping me alive. But also the thing that makes me feel like a decrepit mind boggled bastard.